This is about the funniest thing I've read ever from Joel Stein at the LA Times:

I DON'T LIKE being touched by strangers. And by "strangers," I mean anyone I'm not having sex with. I don't like massages, I don't like hugs, I don't even like to high-five. I just don't see the point. Either we're going to do it, or we're not. And, as I've learned the hard way after overreacting to a cheek kiss, apparently we're not.

So, as a radical form of immersion therapy, I drove to an office building in West L.A. on a Friday night to pay $30 to cuddle with strangers for four hours. The Cuddle Party was invented two years ago in New York and has spread to 13 cities, including L.A. It's a sex club for the most stunted generation in history. Because, for an adult world that takes cupcake breaks, reads "Harry Potter" books and goes on trips to Disneyland, it's possible that Cuddle Parties might replace cocktail parties. We are just a few years from a fad where adults crap their pants.

I was told to wear a set of pajamas, which, it turns out, are in short supply because of it being past 1958. My lack of pajamas turned out to be for the best, because the location for the Cuddle Party was inside a ReMax realty building, where guys in suits stood in the lobby, punching it out. I'm pretty sure they would have punched out a guy in silk pajamas, as he fell to the ground whimpering about how he doesn't like to be touched by strangers.

I would like to quote the whole thing because I can hardly choose the best lines.  But here's another:

Many of these rules were about erections. I found out that an [word for sexually excited organ] is "sexual energy just saying 'hi.' " I had always thought [plural for sexually excited organs]were sexual energy saying "FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE AND FOCUS ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION ON ME RIGHT THIS SECOND!" But "hi" made sense too.

And another:

Luckily, Lynn asked if she could be my first cuddle. She instructed me to lie down and spoon her. We were about four minutes in when she said, "My parents were monsters." Looking to change the subject, I asked her what she did for a living. She told me that she gets rid of psychological blocks from people's bodies. "Oh," I said, "by getting them to face their fears?" She looked at me strangely. "No," she said. "With a machine. I get rid of the psychological blocks in their muscles."

Aside from these gems, the best part of the article is the "cuddle stud".  He's a guy who uses the cuddle parties to find vulnerable women with whom to make-out.  If you think he's pathetic, think of the ladies who submit to his charms.  How desperate can human beings be?

The fact that such a thing as a cuddle party exists is pretty good evidence that the world is jacked up beyond repair.

My Mind is Clean